lost my password and i couldn’t find their “get new password” link until just now… don’t know why I couldn’t find it..
Went to an anime club last night on campus. My friend Julia invited me last weekend, and I told her I might show up. She was out of town, though- visiting family. Anyays, I went with the rest of the anime club over to someone’s apartment and watched a good 5+hours worth of an anime series on someone’s laptop… Excellent plot… the whole thing was a world inside an online world, and everyone seemed to be engulfed in finding the “key of twilight”-which i think might have been the name, but I can’t remember., and something about a kid that can’t log off for whatever reason. After that, we went back to campus and watched some shows on adult swim… Death Note was good, but the other anime shows, I just wasn’t able to follow…
Had some really strage dreams over the last few days, too.. First off, about four days ago, I had a dream and in my dream I had woken up, and I was a carrot in a vegetable garden, and their were rabbits nibbling on my green leafy part above the ground, and whenever they would nibble, I would try to push myself further into the ground to hide, but I was never able to hide, I just got bigger, and bigger. My second dream I had was just last night.. In this dream, I was in a hole shaped like a cylinder in the ground. It wasn’t too deep, and i could gaze directly across the ground (a mix of desert and dry grass) looking straight out at eye-level.. In the bottom of this hole, their were gazillions and gazillions of pearls and I was playing with them with my feet, and sometimes I would bring them up to my eyes with my toes. But whenever i tried to reach out and touch the pears with my hands, all of a sudden the pearls would magically turn into a sea of glass down farther than my eyes could see right before my fingers would have made contact.
Anyways, my dad was in town last weekend. In a way it was good to see him, but at the same time- I still don’t trust him either because of things that happened in my past… and I want to believe that he’s changed, but still I’m not willing to get close enough to him to find out because I refuse to let myself get hurt again like that… Also, their are some paralells between things that happened between me and my dad when I was growing up, and things that happened between me and that pastor of that megachurch I used to go too… Both of them seemed to have a penchant for making unfounded accusations, and both of them refuse to listen to reason… My dad, I would have expected from him due to past things that have happened…
As far as that experience with that pastor well, let’s just say that that came as a shock out of the blue… I trusted him, and that was betrayed in the most vile way. So now, I’m hurting inside… And I’m really not interested in becoming a regular attending active member of any church now (I go to another church once in a while with my family) because I’m afraid of the same thing happening again.
And it’s making me reconsider what it means to be a “true christian” or what it is that separates “true christians” from false christians or nominal christians, or if their is any sort of a seperation, at all… I thought I knew, and years ago, I had all sorts of preconcieved notions which started to drop away because of a few events in my life… and were only completely exaberated after I was falsely accused a few months ago. The people whom I thought were “true christians” were the ones that hurt me the most. So now, everything -other than the facts that Jesus is the son of God and the only way to heaven- has just faded to grey… As for determining who is a “true christian” or not, I’ll just leave that up to God.
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Now playing: Jars of Clay – Fade to Grey
via FoxyTunes
